For many kids, the start of the school year is exciting, but it can also be filled with anxiety about what the new year will bring. Even kids who usually roll with the punches may suddenly feel nervous, and kids who are already a bit anxious might get even more clingy or upset.
Back to School Anxiety is a common experience for many students. It can stem from various sources, including academic pressures, social interactions, and changes in routine.
Symptoms of anxiety can manifest both physically and emotionally, such as:
Physical Symptoms: Stomach aches, headaches, fatigue, and difficulty sleeping.
Emotional Symptoms: Irritability, mood swings, excessive worry, and fear.
As a parent, it can be extremely difficult to see your child struggle—whether it’s leaving a crying toddler at pre school, or dropping a nervous teenager to their first day at high school.
The truth is every child is different and every circumstance surrounding your family are different so not every strategy is going to work for every child, however, I have added some strategies that may help you and your child manage the nerves, and maybe help them feel a little more confident as they embark on the school year ahead.
1. Check-in with yourself first
We all know how stressful the start of the school year can be—not just for kids, but for parents too! Getting back into routines, organising school supplies, and dealing with everything else on your to-do list can be overwhelming. I always suggest that parents take a moment to check in with themselves. If you're feeling stressed, it can affect your child. Try not to take on too much, and remember to carve out time for yourself to recharge. Your child will pick up on your mood, so the more relaxed and balanced you feel, the more likely they will feel the same.
2. Listen to their worries
When your child expresses anxiety about school—whether it’s about a new teacher, a tougher curriculum, or making friends—don’t brush it off. Instead of saying, “Oh, you’ll be fine!", try to acknowledge their feelings. Something like, “I can understand why you’re feeling nervous. A new year can be scary"; or "I remember when I started my new job, I was really nervous” this can go a long way in showing empathy and validating their emotions.
Sometimes kids just want to talk about their worries without being “fixed”. You don’t need to solve the problem right away, but you can help them brainstorm how they might handle a tough situation. Keep the conversation casual—rather than making it a big serious talk, ask things like, “What are you most excited about for the new school year?” That can open the door for them to share more without feeling pressured.
3. Do a “Test Run” before school starts
If your child is especially nervous about the first day, give them a chance to get familiar with the new school before everyone arrives. Take a few trips to the school in advance. You can park, walk around the school, cross the crossings and talk about what your child can expect on the first day. If you know another family that your child is going to school with perhaps organise the dry run together. Let your child know that they will not be alone on the day and they have friends their that will be feeling exactly the same way.
Little steps like these build confidence and reduce the fear of the unknown.
4. Give the school a 'Heads-Up'
If you know your child will need a little extra support when school starts, don’t be afraid to communicate with their teacher or the school staff. Let them know that your child is excited but might need a bit more reassurance as they settle in. Having the school in the loop means they can be ready to offer support if needed.
Teachers and staff are used to this, they go through this every year, and would have many ways to help your child transition into the new school year.
5. Make the separation easier
If you think your child might struggle with saying goodbye on the first day, consider having a familiar face ready to greet them. This could be the teacher, or another student that your child is already familiar with. Instead of focusing on the goodbye with Mum or Dad, your child is focused on the activities that are ahead of them for the day.
6. Stay calm if there are tears
Leaving a child who is upset can be heartbreaking, but remember that most kids bounce back quickly once they’re settled in. Parents should not be alarmed by a few tears at drop-off. If the teacher reports that your child is doing fine and engaging in class activities later on, don’t over-focus on the initial separation. Instead, praise them for their bravery. You might say something like, “I’m so proud of you for going to school. I can’t wait to hear what you did today!”
By focusing on their positive actions, you’ll help build their confidence for the next drop-off.
7. Pay attention to physical symptoms
Sometimes anxiety shows up in the form of physical complaints, like stomach aches or headaches. If your child suddenly starts saying they feel sick before school, it’s important to make sure there’s nothing medically wrong. A check-in with the doctor is a good idea if the symptoms persist. But if the doctor gives you the all-clear, it’s likely that anxiety is at play.
While it might be tempting to let them stay home, I cannot emphasise enough that allowing kids to avoid school can actually make their anxiety worse in the long run. Even if they’re feeling sick, sending them to school is important. The more they avoid situations that make them anxious, the more they’ll reinforce that school is something to fear.
8. When anxiety turns into school refusal/reluctance
If your child consistently refuses to go to school, complains of physical symptoms every day, or shows extreme distress about attending, it could be a sign of something more serious, like “school refusal/reluctance.” School Refusal/Reluctance is when a child’s anxiety around school becomes so overwhelming that it disrupts their daily life.
If you notice your child is resisting school for more than just a few days or weeks, or if it’s causing significant stress, it’s worth seeking support from a mental health professional.
The sooner you address the issue, the easier it is to get your child back on track.
Back-to-school anxiety is totally normal, and while it’s tough to watch your child struggle, most kids will adjust once they get used to the school routine. Going to school is the just the next phase of your Childs development. Remember the lessons they learn, and the resilience they build during their early years will keep them in good stead for the challenges that they will face as they grow older.
Melinda
Muse Psychology
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